Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
