He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
