You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
