also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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