just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
