you would pick up someone in the library
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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