so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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