After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize