Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
