3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
