i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
