How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
