We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
