Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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