Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
