Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
