so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Life is so much better after having sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
