I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
