sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
