So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
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you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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