there's paper in my vomit.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
