He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
