Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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