I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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