theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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