I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
