this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
