I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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