My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
