You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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