so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize