Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
