I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
