Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just pee around me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
