Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
