You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
