in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize