Pappa wants mamma naked
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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