Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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