her vagine was all disorganized.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
