did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
