You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the condom got lost in my hair
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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