i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
