Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
