Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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