I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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