I like to think it a success when the cops are called
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
