i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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