I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
