My friends, they love my intelligence
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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