you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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