yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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