Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
