dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
