I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
