I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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