STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
