the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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