It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
