im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
