so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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