so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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