so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
