Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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