I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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