I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
