Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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