You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
