I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
