we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
