she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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