I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
