I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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