when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
