i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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