She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
