My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
