i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
