my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
