She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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