Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
