If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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