last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
