Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
