I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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