Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
