How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
